i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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