Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
