Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
