i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
