Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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