So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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