I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
