if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
