Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
vagina is talking i cant
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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