The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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