Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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