You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
