shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You have to summon your inner elephant
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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