Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
