My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
