Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
