He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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