I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
