my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
