If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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