That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
