seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
