I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
