i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
