Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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