Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
