God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
