I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
