Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
