her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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