Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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