I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
