i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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