Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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