The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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