sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
