bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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