we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
