The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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