Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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