They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
