The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
