Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is wine microwaveable?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
