how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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