I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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