Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
