There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
