he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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