I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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