Sry I called you an 8
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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