Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
